If I Look at Her
by Swish42
Summary: Zelgadis wishes the dance would never end, that he could hold and gaze at the princess for just a bit longer. He doesn't want the dream to end. For some reason he has the inkling that if he looks away she will vanish and he will be forced to face cruel reality once more. He doesn't want the dream to end. ... this might be misleading. A/Z


If I Look at Her

In Zelgadis's mind the constant hum has nearly driven him insane. It is as if a swarm of thousands of moths are thrumming their wings around his head. Spinning around, unseen, it is enough to make him spin and seek calm isolation.

"Mister Zelgadis is something wrong?" a musical voice slips through the constant noise. Buzzing, ever buzzing. It draws him partially out of his swirling fog, making him aware of the colorful dresses and scent of sweet perfume buying for his attention.

Yet none of it can distract him from that constant hum surrounding him like heavy liquid.

"I'm fine Amelia," Zelgadis claims setting his glass of wine on the windowsill he is leaning against. "Would you like to dance?"

Her round face turns a slightly darker shade of red, her eyes brighten and she smiles brilliantly. "Of course Mister Zelgadis," Amelia accepts his hand and the two glide towards the dance floor.

Perhaps it's Amelia's presence or the constant hum, but Zelgadis does not heed the company of the countless guests surrounding them. He ignores their glances and grins, focusing solely on the young woman gazing up at him. Another song that Zelgadis can barely hear begins signaling him to guide the princess backwards, stepping forwards once and side stepping twice. It is a simple waltz, but Zelgadis cannot dance anything more complicated than this, especially with that ever present buzz.

Pointedly ignoring the noise, Zelgadis gazes down at Amelia enjoying her smile and spark in her large blue eyes. A swirl of colors and aroma hugs them close, but still he focuses only on the woman in his arms.

He wishes the dance would never end, that he could hold and gaze at the princess for just a bit longer. He doesn't want the dream to end. For some reason he has the inkling that if he looks away she will vanish and he will be forced to face cruel reality once more.

It starts as a tickle in his ear as Amelia rests her head against his chest, but he fights the whisper of voices buying for attention. Amelia's head is warm, radiating a heat that burns his skin. This feeling should not be possible with stone skin, but Zelgadis relishes in it. He can feel his heart begin to race in excitement. The princess seems to notice as well and smiles up at him with a giggle on her lips.

The whisper persist, if only if would cease, leave him in this dream.

This fantasy.

"Zelgadis," Amelia's gaze sparks with concern as she searches Zelgadis's face for the answer she seeks.

In his mind Zelgadis curses. She's noticed that something is wrong despite his efforts to mask it.

"Yes?" Zelgadis asks spinning Amelia wide in an attempt to distract her.

When he reels her in, Amelia's features betray ever great concern. "I'm so sorry," she says, her concern giving way to guilt. "I didn't know."

The humming whispers steadily grow into a wave. Threatening to crash against him, but Zelgadis fights it. He smiles awkwardly at Amelia, "what do you have to be sorry for?"

Grabbing his forearms Zelgadis is forced to stop as Amelia stands her ground. Her vise grip leaves him powerless, causing a flame of surprise to hit his heart. "Zelgadis open your eyes," Amelia says with a hint of desperation. "You need to open your eyes!"

"Amelia?" Zelgadis flinches and tries to step back, but is aware that his body is slowly numbing. Amelia's strong hands burn, radiating a painful heat across his entire body. "My eyes are open. Let go."

Steadily becoming angry and scared Zelgadis glances down at his arm planning to remove her grip, but see's something that makes his mind reel.

His arm isn't stone.

Why isn't it blue?

The whispers and throbbing hum becomes a raging storm clashing behind his eyes. "Zelgadis you need to wake up!" Amelia's voice persists, reaching across the countless voices choking his mind and body.

"Princess you mustn't touch him." "Is he going to make it?" "I can't believe this worked!" "This isn't what I wanted, it isn't what he wanted!" "He's slipping, I'm not sure he's going to make it." "Zelgadis you have to wake up! Don't leave me!"

All at once pain erupts across Zelgadis like a burning brand. His back arches and his eyes snap open to a world much too bright and dark at the same time. Zelgadis flails trying to escape the strong grip that supports him.

In this strong embrace Zelgadis's skin tears and his bones crack at the effort of escaping the pain he's abruptly woken to.

"Mister Zelgadis!"

Grinding his teeth Zelgadis throws his head back as he continues to scream and moan against the hard world.

"You're going to be okay, I promise," he finally sees her face. Her sweet, crying, flushed face gazing down at him in horror. She is terrified, but her courage keeps her from letting go of him.

Tears well in Zelgadis's eyes and he blinks painfully as his body pulses and throbs. Defiantly he holds Amelia's gaze. If he looks at her, the nightmare will end, the dream can continue.

The constant ever present hum fades and his skin numbs, making him feel once again dead to the world.

Exhausted, Zelgadis struggles to keep his eyes fixed on Amelia. She tries to smile at him past her tears. She always tries so hard to be strong, but she doesn't have to try, she is strong. Much stronger than he is.

Unable to fight his drooping eyes, Zelgadis's head falls back and he enters into a world of nothing.

Bright light sears past his pale eyelids, releasing him from his world of nothing into reality. His lids stick like glue and he painful opens them as he tilts his head away from the painful light, seeking relief. But moving his head is the same as trying to shove a rock up a steep cliff. Zelgadis groans and takes a quick gulp of air to his heavy laden chest.

"Mister Zelgadis," Amelia reaches forward and moves his head away from the light toward her own face. Her eyes are red and swollen, but there is relief there and a waiting smile. "Good morning," the beautiful young woman nearly starts to cry again.

"Good morning," Zelgadis answers unable to feel his lips move as he speaks. "What happened?" His voice cracks and he is thankful he can feel his throat, even if it's a dry and slightly painful. Everything else . . . feels dead. More dead then it did before.

Wait before?

Something happened, he knows it, but doesn't know what it is specifically. Zelgadis waits expectantly for Amelia's answer.

"You . . . you've been," Amelia nearly cries, but she refrains. "I'm so sorry Mister Zelgadis. I asked for a chimera expert to cure you, but . . . I wasn't careful. I'm so sorry."

Seeing Amelia in pain grips Zelgadis's heart and he tries to smile. "Amelia, you were only trying to help I'm sure," he comforts her even though he doesn't remember what she's talking about.

Recognition flashes in Amelia's eyes, her expression softens with endearment for him. Taking in a strong breath of air the princess calms her mind and continues. "You've been cured Mister Zelgadis, but it isn't a complete cure, and it was done against your will. That's why I'm sorry. I didn't realize who it was I was asking and how unjust he really was."

"Cured?" Zelgadis asks, his sluggish mind working hard to wake from his stupor.

Carefully taking hold of his hand, Amelia lifts it so he can see. "Using enchanted blades he removed your rock skin and replaced it with synthetic skin," Amelia explains. "He removed your wire hair and magically implanted new hair while killing your wire follicles. He filed your teeth, clipped your ears and destroyed every outer evidence of your chimerism by destroying them magically and recreating something new."

Zelgadis's eyes widen, not believing what she is telling him despite the evidence of his aching body and pale arm. "That makes sense, but . . . he did that to me," a tight horror grips Zelgadis's chest and he grips Amelia's hand, but he can't feel it. "Why can't I feel anything," Zelgadis is trying not to panic but with realization he can't fight his quickening pulse.

Amelia winces at his strong grip. "It will take time for the magical nerves to align with the nerves of your chimera body still present under your skin," Amelia explains. "You are still physically strong, have heightened senses, and magical ability."

"That's . . ." he can't finish and his eyes blur with tears well in his eyes that he cannot sense physically. He feels betrayed, confused, and scared. He knows he can face this, he has too. Not just for himself, but for Amelia. If he doesn't she'll break apart.

". . . Cruel," Amelia finishes his thought and cannot hold back her tears any longer, sniffing painfully. "I'm so sorry."

"Amelia," Zelgadis's voice tightens forcing Amelia to snap her attention back to him despite her tears. "You didn't do anything wrong, I'll get through this."

"But, I tried to give you what you wanted . . . and ended up just like-."

"Don't . . . finish that thought," Zelgadis snaps, but soon smiles. "You are not possessed by a demon lord. Your intensions were true."

"But Zelgadis." He doesn't notice the dropped 'Mister'.

With what little strength he has, Zelgadis guides Amelia forward and clumsily hugs her. "As long as I can see your face I can live a dream and escape the nightmare."

For a moment Amelia doesn't respond, but it isn't long before she is holding him tight. "Then I'll never let you out of my sight."

"For justice," Zelgadis chuckles.

"For love," Amelia answers.

_Authors Notes~_

_Here is another cure possibility to add to the collection of those already written._


End file.
